The Path to Allah SWT

This section contains stories of people's personal journeys in search of the Truth. Some are reverts to Islam and some are born Muslim but have found a more profound strength in their Islam along the way.

If you would like to submit your story, please contact us on the email address at the bottom of this page.

Finding something better…

by Ala Al-Eidan

Some spent their whole lives satisfied with this world constantly trying to increase in status, worldly success and fulfilling endless desires, not seeking nor reaching out to something Greater. Some spent their whole lives searching this world for happiness or finding people to fill the emptiness in their lives and never found it. Some had to struggle a lot to find the truth and their path back home to Allah. Some people were just lucky enough to be born Muslim. I was.

However, I always feel as if I am a convert to Islam, like I was never a Muslim but then I came to find the truth and never looked back. Every pain that I suffered and every wrong road I took, led me back home, bruised and broken, but relieved to have someone welcome me with open arms…

“And He found you lost and guided you” (93:7)

My whole life, I was searching and searching for a purpose in life. Why was I here? The more I started to question my existence, the more eager I was to search why I was feeling so empty. What was missing in my life?

I grew up with a love for Allah instilled in my heart. I would see my mother pray and she would insist on me standing by her and start practicing. She never forced anything upon me. I came to prayer on my own. Just like everything else. I was always encouraged to find things out on my own and think for myself because forced piety is not true submission. Just like prayer, my mom never forced me to wear hijab either. She wanted me to come to my own terms.

I knew the five daily prayers were an obligation so I didn’t question it. I started to regularly pray and always had this love for Allah in my heart, yet I was not satisfied. Still, there was something missing. I felt like there was a hole in my chest and heaviness in my heart.

Then I entered high school. I would love to go into detail about how misguided I was and how messed up I became, but if Allah is Kind enough to hide my flaws from the eyes of people, why would I go ahead and expose myself? It’s embarrassing enough that Allah knows the person I used to be and knows my hidden flaws, yet His Mercy encompasses everything and remains. But, Alhamdulilah, I never gave up on Allah. Even if the depth of my sins, I always kept Allah in my life. I still prayed. I still would go to majalis and hussainiyat (religious gatherings) with my mother even though I understood nothing. They were all in Arabic and my first language was English. I lived in Canada for the majority of my childhood. Yet, I still attended and was inspired by the love for Allah that joined us together and the peaceful feeling I felt after leaving from these gatherings.

Although I was hanging out with the wrong crowd in high school, doing things that I knew were wrong, I realized that all along I was just trying to fill that emptiness that remained inside me. I was chasing the world trying to look for happiness. I did not realize that what I was looking for all along was Allah. Everything that happened in my life, every pain, every suffering, every loss, every failure, every problem, every door that was closed in my face, was Allah paving the path for me to return back home to Him.

Before I could recognize what was happening to me, I fell into depression. It lasted for about two and a half years. I had lost a lot of friends (I realized later it was a blessing) because I realized I’d rather be alone than be in bad company. They were doing things I was not interested in. So I was alone. I’m not going to lie…it was not easy. I felt lonely. I felt hopeless. I felt like my life had no purpose. I would wake up everyday wishing I hadn’t. I wanted so badly to leave this world. I had hit rock bottom.

There is no hole deep enough that He, The All-Mighty, and Most-Loving cannot pull you out of. His help was always near. I was just too occupied with my inner battles to realize that. Allah tells us beautifully in Surat Qaf [verse 16] – “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” And then my awakening came one day…

I sat alone in the bathroom ready to end everything and wanting to end my life - a stupid, and ridiculous, and ignorant, and selfish, and pathetic (and all the negative adjectives in the dictionary) thing to do. Looking back now, I cannot believe that I was suicidal and I was in such a low position in life. It is so true that Allah is really a MIRACLE worker. Who I am today could not have been possible were it not for Him.

I looked up, and just prayed to God. I was just pulled by this energy and I started to call Him for help. I was not used to making dua. I rarely spoke to God personally through dua so when I did make dua for the first time, I felt so overwhelmed with love and this warmth began to cover me. I got goose bumps all over me. I listened for an answer, or a sign, anything! I heard something inside me speak to me and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I got out of the bathroom and just started to cry my eyes out, speaking to Allah more, and pouring my heart out. I knew He was listening, I knew that He knew what I was going through. He understood. The One who created your heart obviously Knows it best. If He Created your heart, only He can Heal it. No one in the world, not a psychiatrist, no anti-depression pill, no psychologist, would have helped me the way Allah did.

After my heart-felt duas, I felt so much better. And ever since that day, I decided to change my life around, focus on bettering my relationship with my Creator, and focus on school. I started reading a translated copy of The Quran and was so happy by the content of it. I understood what I was reading because it was in the language I knew best. I felt so guilty neglecting Quran for so long because of my bad Arabic skills. I loved The Quran! The verses of the Hereafter cheered me up so much and I felt like they were personal messages from Allah. Imam Hassan(as) told us to treat Quran like our personal letters from God like the people before us did. The verses about the hereafter made me feel like there was something better awaiting me than in this world. That’s what I wanted. There are always certain verses in The Quran that stand out to you in your time of need. And with constant duas (prayers), things slowly started getting better for me. Alhamdulilah.

Summer came. I had just finished 11th grade and was thrilled to reward myself with some long, lazy summer afternoons away from the stress of schoolwork. My uncle had planned a ziyarah trip to Mashad, Iran, to visit the holy shrine of our 8th imam, Imam Ridha(as.) I was so excited because it was my first ziyarah and I’ve never been on a religious journey before. I could not wait to go! It was there that I found guidance and there that I was inspired to keep my hijab on after we came home from the ziyarah. Before the ziyarah, I made a promise to Allah that I would start wearing hijab my first year at university, once I was done with 12th grade at high school. I felt that I would be ready then. However, God had better plans for me than I do, and always does.

The trip was such an amazing experience and I encourage everyone that has not been to Mashad to go because I simply cannot put the memories into words. It is an experience you will carry in your heart for a long time. When you enter the room where the shrine is placed, it is extremely crowded filled with people desperate to receive the blessings of Imam Ridha(as) and the energy around you is so lively and beautiful. None of my family members got to reach the shrine the first day we went to visit. It was so crowded and I could rarely breathe when I was almost close to the shrine.

I went home that night with a sorrowful heart trying to hide my disappointment. That night, before I went to sleep, I made a prayer to Allah. I whispered to Allah, the All-Hearing, and told him that I was a visitor of one of His beloved, far away from home, trying to seek nearness and proximity to Him through his beloved, and to not let me down, to grant me another chance. I asked Him to grant me the ability just to touch the shrine and ask for my needs and to be granted his blessings. I listened for an answer in my heart. I heard something tell me when you try again tomorrow to reach the blessed shrine, take your right side because that path will lead you to the shrine. I thought okay. We’ll see how it goes. I dazed off and fell asleep.

The next morning, my family and I got up nice and early and walked all the way to the holy shrine of Imam Ridha(as) to send our salams, offer prayers, and receive blessings. I was still yearning to reach his shrine and thought about my dua that I made to Allah the night before. When we arrived, my family stayed behind to offer extra nawafil prayers, while my cousin and I decided to get another chance at maybe reaching the shrine. I said “Bisma Allah Al Rahman AlRaheem” with every step I took and kept praying in my heart knowing Allah could hear me.

My cousin and I kept getting closer and closer to the shrine. My heart was beating so hard I felt sick. No, I thought, I’m not giving up. No pain, no gain. The moment we got close enough, I thought, this is it. I did what I was told to do the night before, moved from the left area of the shrine and started walking towards the right side towards the shrine. It was so crowded and suddenly, I saw an opening begin towards the right. I was getting closer! I reached out my hand and finally! I had reached the shrine of Imam Ridha (as)!

My heart was pouring out prayers. There was a beautiful, quieting peace all of a sudden. I felt the whole world become silent and something inside me click. My heart become lighter and a load was lifted off my shoulders. I felt so blessed. Subhan Allah.

My cousin and I walked back together to meet with our family where we left off. I was smiling the whole way back. I could not believe what had just happened! I reached the shrine even though it seemed completely impossible. Allah had answered my duas and I was so happy. I felt new. I felt like a different person. You know how they say you’re completely pure and sinless like a newborn baby when you complete Hajj? That's how I kind of felt. Although nothing compares to a hajj experience, the ultimate destination every believer yearns to go to.

I sat next down to my sister and told her with a big smile on my face, “you know what? I’m going to wear hijab when I get back. I’m keeping the hijab on. I don't want to wait any longer! What I felt when I touched the holy shrine was amazing. If that’s what it feels like to be close to Allah and to His beloved representatives and best servants-the ahlulbayt(as), then I don't care about all the reasons I’m delaying my wearing of the hijab, I’m going to do it.”

Of course, I struggled a lot once I got back. Was I really ready? Were it not for my desperate and heartfelt duas to Allah calling for help and asking Him to strengthen my heart, I don't know if I would have continued with my decision...

I started watching YouTube videos of girls speaking about their hijab experiences and alhamdulilah, these 2 videos inspired me deeply and finalized my decision on wearing hijab:

Before my ziyarah trip to Iran, I was reading a lot about islam and seeking as much knowledge as I can so I can understand my purpose in life and become closer to Allah subhana wa ta’ala. That's all I wanted. I knew about the concept of hijab and was really looking into it more. I spoke to a lot of girls who wore the hijab and got a lot of good advice! Yet my heart was just not ready. It was my attachment to this world that was getting in the way. Stupid things were stopping me such as “I have to change my whole wardrobe,” “I can’t wear cute hair styles anymore,” “My friends will judge me,” and “I’m just going to wait another year to finally wear it.” I was putting my own desires before the pleasure of Allah. I truly believe Imam Ridha (as) gave me that extra push and that Allah guided me through him (as.)

A day before I wore hijab, I cried a lot because I felt so lost and couldn’t make up my mind. I started making a list of all the reasons I should wear hijab and prayed a lot for some guidance. My list of reasons to wear hijab were more effective than my reasons not to. It was more than just a headscarf. For example, I wrote that people would see me for who I am and love my personality before they love my outer core. I’ll get less attention for the way I look, and more attention on my intellect and character. Above all, I knew I was doing it to please Allah, and to seek nearness to Him.

Let me tell you, the first few weeks of wearing the hijab were the best! I felt so free. Subhan Allah. My life has changed so much and gotten so much better with hijab! You just feel a certain energy around you and a light that follows you. When it’s hot outside, Allah gives you a certain cool breeze and while everyone complains about the weather, you feel fine. Subhan Allah. It’s the hijab! What a blessing. Now I feel protected, so much more confident, happier, and closer to Allah subhana wa ta’ala. I was no longer a slave of society and its standards. It’s been a year since I’ve worn hijab now. August marks my one-year anniversary of wearing hijab!

When I thought I lost everything, I found something better. What I’ve lost to become closer to Allah was so worth it. And till today, I will continue to sacrifice and follow in the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his Ahlulbayt (as) in sacrificing to seek the pleasure of Allah, my heart’s desire.